"When I die..."

Whenever I am in mid-conversation and begin a sentence with “when I die...” I notice many of my friends and family become very upset. Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand where they are coming from. They dislike it very much, because there was a time where I almost lost my life, and the thought of losing me frightens them. Shit! The thought of losing me, frightens me too! But, what they don’t understand, is why I say it.

I am not trying to worry anyone, nor am I insinuating that I want to die. What I am saying, yes, I do live my life as if today would be my last, because indeed, tomorrow is truly not promise. Anyone who truly knows me, knows that it doesn’t take much to make me happy. The little things are what counts to me. They mean so much more to me than a big birthday party, graduation, or any award ceremony. The little memories, are what makes a memory, A MEMORY! When I do say these words, I don’t say it to intentionally upset anyone. I say it at a moment of when something should always be remembered. For instance,

• being 80% happy and my ladies wondering why my number was so high.

• Grabbing my mouth and helping me chew, because the food was way too hard lolz.

• Birthday cards, for it is something that is just between us two.

• Being the love of my life. I would never love a man as much as I love you!

• Wheelchair racing in the streets. Bringing it back to the special olympics. Reminding me of a time where we were free to just be us.

• Saying hello to me in the halls. I always thought you were way too cool to want to be friends with me.

• Inviting me out to my first college outing, helping me put on my coat while being discreet, without me evening saying a thing,

• and overall, just being TOGETHER!

Therefore, I will never apologize for saying it. For “when I die,” these are the memories I want to be remembered by. Wouldn’t you?

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